A comparison of how I used to perceive things, and how I perceive things now.
(physical, speech and feeling)
Physical (accidental and pure curiosity, to trauma and caution)
I remember when I was in Japan, there were multiple occasions where classmates or friends would touch my skin and/or hair, and I had no problem with it. I knew it was pure curiosity (too young to think it could be anything else), and many of them were in awe by how fluffy my hair was. I also remember seeing 'bumping' into someone as a pure accident.
Moving to states, Because I have been sexually abused (on a minor level), I am now triggered to anyone who tries to touch me. Truth be told, I hate that part of myself, but from that incident I now have a reason more than ever to protect myself, and sometimes that comes with defense mechanism.
Furthermore, I almost immediately learn that a black girl's hair is not to be touched, let alone be talked about if you are not a black woman. Almost as if, one doesn't have the right to speak on a black girl's hair if you are not black because, 9 times out of 10, they do not know what they are talking about, and is offensive to us black women. That, I now have something to be offended for people having the audacity to touching my hair.
Speech (freedom of speech....NOT)
I am naturally the type that is curious about many things, and have always been the one to ask many questions.
However, I remember feeling like I can't say certain things or asking certain questions because it is considered offensive.
I want to think of good examples so I can argue better but I can't at the moment. Nonetheless, the reason why incidents like these got me upset is because I felt that my freedom in wanting to say something was limited, due to other people's sensitivity. I guess even more so because I wanted to practice my American right in the states, because I am an American, to get to say what I want. As a result, I used it just to ultimately feel controlled by my environment.
Feeling (how I feel of other people's actions)
Sort of a continuation of what was stated before, other people's actions is now interrupting my day, and affecting my emotions.
After learning about the injustice that happens among humans, I become more angry and sensitive towards other people's actions, wanting to police everyone who it may seem that they are doing wrong, and contributing to the injustice.
As a result, coming back to Japan, I think I find myself worrying about things that are unnecessary to worry about, because I am still stuck with my shield and self mechanism that I had while I was in the states.
Undoubtedly, there are many good and bad things as a country, both Japan and America, perhaps just like any other country in the world. I personally just feel as though I was more dragged into the bad circumstances in America more than in Japan. To the point where, I remember in America telling my American friends "this doesn't happen in Japan", when really that isn't true, I just personally had not experienced it.
Nothing wrong with it anything I had just mentioned, I'm glad I learned these things, I just personally wish things weren't this way.