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Behavior change.

I remember hating the question "what's wrong", and changing my behavior just to avoid that question.


Where I was raised, it is common to not make excessive body movements, and to remain calm for the most part. Not because it was forced but just as a way of being.


When I moved to the states, I remember, on multiple occasions, being in the middle of a conversation among a group, where I was quiet for the most part, listening and observing what is going on around me. In the middle of that, I was asked "tiff, what's wrong?", off of me doing my natural habitat, remaining calm.


I appreciated their concern, but the problem was, I couldn't say "nothing". Every time I say "nothing" it is never interpreted as nothing, but instead, as, I don't want to share what is currently bothering me that is causing me to be quiet. When it was actually nothing, I couldn't say nothing. Also if there was actually something bothering me, I am the type that would share it anyways. They would not stop coming at me and kept insisting that I, am hiding something (as if they would know).

Due to that, it seemed like a disturbance (or 迷惑) for me to seem like there was something wrong with me, when in fact I was perfectly fine. So I remember thinking, if I behave in a way that would not be perceived as anything is wrong, then I won't have to worry about dealing with that question.

Looking back, I think the continuation of that for several years has taught me how to act out, because for the first time, I could not be the person that I have grown up to be up until that point, because it caused me to get into issues with others, in which I did not want to deal with.


#jointheconversation #behavior #change #America #Japan

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